O.K. this is how it goes. You get an orangutan. I'm not talking a little
monkey or some dancing chimp bullshit, I mean a fucking orangutan.
Don't ask me how you're gonna get a fucking orangutan, that's not my
problem. So the orangutan's name is Clyde. This is non-negotianable, all
orangutans are named Clyde. I don't know why that is, it's just how the
world works. So you and Clyde become man (and ape) about town. You're
seen everywhere together, you make the scene. You and friends go out in
big groups. You talk loud, you laugh louder. Every time you say
something witty you high-five the orangutan. The town begins to buzz. It
gets bac